


Songs of Moonlight and Darkness

by wildwolfsongs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coping, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Moony - Freeform, Musician!Remus, Padfoot - Freeform, Prongs - Freeform, Requited Love, Songfic, mentions of family abuse, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-27 03:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18295817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildwolfsongs/pseuds/wildwolfsongs
Summary: As he heads off on the train to his final year at Hogwarts, Remus Lupin finds himself falling back in time through his most profound memories and the songs he found himself writing to remember them by.





	Songs of Moonlight and Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there everyone! Welcome to my latest story. This is the first time I've decided to tackle Wolfstar in writing, but I felt up to the challenge. It's kind of become a habit of mine to start off writing for a new pairing with songfics, but hey, I like them and I find it fun to piece together a story that follows different songs. To start off, I do not own anything from Harry Potter nor do I own any of the songs or lyrics used in this story. I merely own the story that weaves the two together. Now that that's out of the way, this is a male/male focused story, so if you don't like that I don't really know what you're doing here. If you do though, I hope the enjoy. Please feel free to leave me comments, I'll do my best to reply, or get in touch with me on tumblr at wildwolfsongs.tumblr.com.

Gentle sunlight filtered down from the station windows casting a pleasant, golden hue across the Hogwarts Express, gleaming crimson beneath the light. Remus could practically taste the energy thrumming from the train’s engines as it was readied for its journey ahead. 

And this was the very last time he would experience it. 

He was starting his seventh and final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and after this, he wouldn’t experience ‘another new year’ at school. Remus took the opportunity to immerse himself in all of the sights, smells, and feelings surrounding him before releasing the moment. Hoisting his belongings from the ground beside him, he trekked the final steps from platform to train. 

As he approached the ever familiar car he and his friends had made their own since year one, he felt a niggling prickle of tears nip at the backs of his eyes. He knew now was not the time to succumb to the heavy feeling deep in his heart, but rather be joyous and appreciate this last year of memories to be made. The world was heading into darkness, that much was certain this far into the impending war. Shadows had already begun to seep into the cracks between the walls of hope and determination that many fought to keep standing. Remus didn’t want those thoughts to taint these final memories he would have of Hogwarts and being at school with his friends. He sucked in a deep breath, reached out, and slid the compartment door open. 

“Moony!” Remus had no time to brace himself as a dark haired streak tackled him, sending them both crashing to the ground in a firm yet confused, at least on Remus’ end, embrace.

“Sirius, what on earth…? You’re acting like you haven’t seen me in years. It’s only been 2 weeks!” Remus had spent a whole month of summer break at the Potter’s, reveling in the pure freedom of knocking about with your best mates without any cares in the world. He had been forced to return home before heading back to school, however, and Sirius hadn’t been too impressed at the thought of being away from Remus for long. 

“But Moony, I just really missed you is all! Can you blame me?” Sirius was batting his eyelashes, putting on a ridiculous pout that was probably more intended to make Remus feel sympathy for him, but it just made him laugh. Remus didn’t bother to fight the urge that hit him in that moment, leaning down to kiss that frown right off his boyfriend’s face without an ounce of hesitation. When he pulled away, lips tingling and heart pounding, Sirius’ face had been overtaken by a dazed bliss. 

“Alright, I suppose I can forgive you for leaving me after that theatrical display of affection, Remus. I didn’t know you had it in you.” Remus shrugged, a lopsided grin floating onto his face in response. Behind Sirius, someone cleared their throat and Remus’ eyes darted upwards to meet the amused gaze of one James Potter. 

“If you two are quite finished snogging the daylights out of each other?” Remus flushed and finally sat down, Sirius cuddling up against his side. 

“Sorry, Prongs. How are you? Rest of the summer go okay?” James grinned, cat like and wicked.

“Yeah, it was brilliant! You should’ve stayed on, Moony. You missed this idiot trying karaoke at some muggle pub while completely drunk off his arse,” James replied, jerking his thumb in Sirius’ direction who sniffed indignantly in response to this particular remark.

“I’ll have you know my singing voice is beautiful.” James snickered. 

“Yeah? Well it’s nowhere near as good as Moony’s so quit bragging about it.” 

“It’s not my fault I’m dating a future rock star. What can I say? I’ve got quite the luck.” Sirius leaned up and pecked Remus’ cheek affectionately as the curly haired boy rolled his eyes. 

“Come off it. I’m not going to be a rock star, Padfoot. The singing is just a way to get through, you know that.” Sirius’ eyes softened.

“I know, Love. Come on, then, Prongs! Let’s go find the trolley lady, I’m starved!” Remus shook his head, chuckling to himself as the two boys left the compartment, ruffling each other’s hair playfully as they went. Sirius turned back quickly before leaving. 

“Want anything, Moony?” Remus simply shook his head, giving his boyfriend a loving smile that was wholeheartedly returned before Sirius ducked away following after James. Remus turned to gaze out the window. He would give anything to make time slow down so that each individual image that was being formed right now would last a lifetime. As he watched the sun glint off the lakes and warm the forests and meadows the train chugged past, Remus found himself falling into the past, reliving some of the best and also some of the hardest memories from the last six years of school and friendship and magic. 

\--- 

Remus Lupin did not have an easy childhood. 

He had his mother and his father to care for and love him, that much is certain, but if not for that bright spot in his past, there would not be much else happy to recall. They did not have much money or family to fill their house, but they had each other and that was enough. The first few years of life were normal. His parents were full of the utmost adoration for their little boy and Remus was the happiest of babies. However, at the age of 5, Remus was attacked by a monstrous man who turned him into a creature people only dream of in their most terrifying nightmares. His family was left broken and devastated. 

The months and years following were difficult and painful to endure. Every day left Remus and his parents emotionally and physically drained, fighting to finish each day with the last shreds of hope they managed to cling to. Eventually, his father gave up. The stress and heartache becoming too much for him to bear, Lyall Lupin walked away from his wife and young son, leaving behind nothing but the ghost of a better man. 

That, and a guitar. 

Hope Lupin took her husband’s abandonment hard, often hiding away in her room to unload her heartache and tears away from her young son’s prying eyes before replacing her tears with a half fake smile for her child’s sake. She had hidden the instrument away in the attic not wanting to be reminded of her husband in any way; even an inanimate object was a reminder of her lost love that was too painful to bear. But one rainy spring morning when Remus was just 9 years old, he found himself sneaking away to the dusty old loft above the house. It was there he discovered the guitar and his curiosity got the better of him. He ran his tiny, scarred fingers down the strings and reveled in the gentle strumming sound that vibrated from the wood. Since then, Remus found his escape from the world in the arms of his music. He allowed the melodies and lyrics swirling in his head to dance out of his fingertips, thrumming through his bones and carrying him up out of the darkness. 

Now, years later, Remus still carried that guitar with him wherever he went. It was the most precious thing he owned, and now at age 17 with both his mother and father gone, it was one of his last remaining reminders of his lost family. Not many people knew about this side of Remus, but as the years went on, the magic he created with his music helped him and those he loved through so much. 

Especially Sirius. 

Remus had lost count of just how many songs he had written throughout the years he had been playing and though he had songs for many different reasons and occasions, a majority he wrote for Sirius. Each piece had a special place in his life, but the ones he wrote for Sirius Black were the collection of his heart and soul. Some were funny little pieces he wrote to make Sirius laugh; others were his desperate attempts to convince Sirius that he was not alone after the hellish life his boyfriend had lived.

\--- 

Remus remembered clear as anything the day Sirius left the Black family home for good. 

Back in the summer before 5th year, 16-year-old Remus spent the first weeks of holidays plagued by horrid dreams of fire and ash and pain, excruciating pain. His voice was raw from sobbing in his sleep and he awoke with Sirius’ name falling from his lips in a desperate plea. His body was painted with a heavy blanket of sweat as he lurched up from his bed and stumbled across his room to his desk. Fighting back the swirling nausea bubbling up from his stomach, he ran trembling hands through his hair in waves of anxious energy. Remus’ hand began to etch out words into his notebook without thought and seemingly of its own accord. He felt a complete lack of control over his body, yet he could feel in the most vulnerable edges of his soul that this was exactly what he needed to be doing. The words spilled onto the crisp parchment as Remus released all of the pent up emotions that he could no longer contain within him. It wasn’t long before he reached for his guitar and began to pluck out a song. 

This was how Remus’ nights often went. Not the devastating nightmare part per say, but the insomnia ridden sleeplessness that hit and wouldn’t go away. Although this particular evening was the most intense and uncontrolled he had ever felt during these episodes, it definitely wasn’t the first time Remus had awoken in the early hours of the morning to pen out lyrics that came to him on the fly. The best way he found to pass the time was to let the music flow out of his mind, rather than fighting the urge to play, until sleep finally consumed him once more. This particular night ended a bit differently. Remus never fell back to sleep. He merely kept on writing and strumming and letting the melody consume him, haunting and soft. As the dawn light peeked through his window, he set down his notebook, pages freshly inked with a newly completed set of lyrics. He wasn’t quite sure why he felt so utterly compelled to create this particular piece, but he knew the dreams he was having were no ordinary dreams and that this was no ordinary song. 

It wasn’t much longer until the owl arrived. 

The Marauders had gotten used to each other’s owls flying in and out fairly regularly and always knew which owl was which almost immediately, so Remus wasn’t particularly surprised when the Potter’s owl glided through his window that same morning. He yawned, stretching his aching back out and cracking the stiff joints in his neck as he meandered over to retrieve the letter from the owl. He thanked the bird with a few gentle strokes along sleek, tawny feathers before tearing open the letter. His body had fallen into a more relaxed and calm state after the song had been completed, as if whatever had him in its grip had finally let go, but after reading the small piece of parchment delivered through his window that morning, his distress returned. 

_‘Get here as quick as you can. It’s Sirius. Something’s happened._  
_\- Prongs’_

Remus wasted no time. He had written out a note to his mother as quickly as he could before he bolted to the fireplace, tossing a handful of floo powder into the smoldering embers as he went. 

“Potter manor!” In a flash of green firelight, he was gone. 

\--- 

Remus felt numb as he approached the bed in the Potter’s house. Lying on top, blankets snugly wrapped around his pale figure, was Sirius Black, soundly asleep even as healing cuts and bruises littered his face. James had explained to Remus that Sirius had arrived in the dead of night, soaked to the skin from walking through the rain, with blood oozing down his face. He was immediately taken inside by James who cried out to his parents for help as the wounded boy began to collapse from exhaustion. Sirius had not been awake since that moment, but Euphemia Potter took matters into her own hands rather quickly, working fast to heal Sirius’ wounds to the best of her ability and helping her husband bring him up to his bed. James could do nothing but watch in horrified silence as all of this unfolded before him and Remus could see it was all the other boy could do to keep himself together while he shared the events with Remus. 

As he reached the bedside, Remus crouched down and gently brushed a strand of hair behind Sirius’ ear as he slept on, oblivious to the anguish those who loved him were experiencing. 

“How could they do something like this? Their own son… I know Padfoot’s always talked about how awful they are, but I never imagined…” Remus felt his throat squeeze tight with emotion and his words trailed off. James tried to hide his soft, teary sniffles, but Remus could practically hear his fists clench in anger and frustration. 

“It isn’t fair, Moony. Why does it always have to be him? I know he’s a bit of a drama queen and can sometimes be a bit of a tosser when he tries hard, but he doesn’t deserve any of this.” James continued, but his voice became hushed and cracked with emotion. “Mum said… She said they used an unforgivable on him. Cruciatus.” Remus felt himself involuntarily shiver with undisguised horror. 

“God, no.” He dug his palms into his eyes as he fought off the waves of agony that washed over his body. Despite the forceful pressure, tears still began to well up beneath his palms. 

Then there was a cough as a voice spoke, “Prongs…?” 

Remus leapt to his feet and James came rushing to his side as Sirius’ eyes began to flutter open for the first time. Remus thought he would die of pure relief at the sight of those piercing blue eyes, though very unfocused, gazing up in confusion at him and James. “And Moony, too?” His voice was dry and creaking and despite the previous night’s events, Sirius Black apparently still had his humorous nature. “Bloody hell, who died?” James let out a surprised and shocked breath of laughter as he flung himself, as gently as possible of course, at Sirius in a hug. 

“You absolute nutter. Here Moony and I are, absolutely destroyed over you and you’re here joking your way out of it, charming as ever, as if you didn’t show up at my doorstep at three o’clock in the morning before passing out on me!” Sirius winced at the raw emotion in his best mate’s voice, eyes darting back and forth between Remus and James. 

“Er, sorry Prongs. I didn’t know where else to go…” Remus felt his heart swell with affection for his friends as James grabbed Sirius’ hand and looked him dead in the eyes before speaking. 

“There is no other place I would rather you be, Sirius. You’re safe here. You’re loved here.” 

\--- 

“I knew something had to be wrong, I just knew it. Why didn’t I see it earlier? Why did I realize what all this meant? I should’ve done something-”

“Moony!” Remus whirled around from where he was pacing across the guest bedroom floor in Potter manor to face James. They had left Sirius to sleep peacefully in his room down the hall. James’ mother had given him a sleeping potion to help him rest and recuperate and the two boys were told to leave him be for now. 

“What?” He didn’t mean to snap, but his nerves were shot and he felt very out of control of his emotions. He didn’t know how long the two of them had been sitting silently in James’ bedroom, but Remus felt his feet aching as though he had run a marathon within the confines of the room. James didn’t seem to mind Remus’ outburst. He merely held up his hands to emphasize his innocence and spoke softly.

“Calm down, Remus. There wasn’t anything you could’ve done. We didn’t know how bad it had gotten.” Logically, Remus knew his friend was right, but there was something James didn’t know.

“No, Prongs. You don’t understand. I’ve been having dreams. I knew. Without really knowing, I did know something was wrong with Sirius.” James looked puzzled, but there was a faint gleam of nervousness dawning in the boy’s eyes. 

“What do you mean?” He spoke with a tentative rattle in his voice. Prongs hid his fear well. 

“The past 2 weeks, I’ve woken up every single night without fail drenched in sweat with Sirius’ name being the last thing I remember. The dreams are always filled with fire and pain and darkness, Prongs. It finally all lead to me losing control over myself. I spent all of last night awake, writing a song without even realizing what I was doing. It can’t merely be a coincidence!” 

“A song?” Remus merely nodded, feeling a bit dazed, and walked over to grab his guitar. James sat in silence, but Remus could feel his calculating brown gaze watching him intently as he settled himself down onto the bed. It took several attempts for Remus to shake the tremors out of his hands, but after several deep breathes, he began singing. 

_‘I had a dream about a burning house. You were stuck inside I couldn’t get you out._  
_I lay beside you and pulled you close and the two of us went up in smoke._  
_Love isn’t all that it seems, I did you wrong._  
_I’ll stay here with you, until this dream is gone._  
_I’ve been sleepwalking, been wandering all night, trying to take what’s lost and broke and make it right._  
_I’ve been sleepwalking too close to the fire, but it’s the only place that I can hold you tight in this burning house.’_

Remus took a brief pause as he ended the first chorus, but continued after catching James’ insistent gaze. He sang in a soft tone, his crisp, cool voice following the melody in haunting yet soothing waves of sound. He felt his voice begin to break as he hit the final lines of the song. 

_‘And I’ve been sleepwalking, been wandering all night, trying to take what’s lost and broke… and make it right._  
_I’ve been sleepwalking too close to the fire, but it’s the only place that I can hold you tight… in this burning house…’_

“Remus…” James had kept his silence for nearly a full minute, but as his mouth finally opened, Remus shook his head and stood up abruptly, jerking around to sit on his bed, back to James. He felt the sting of tears in his eyes once more and this time, he could not hold them back, feeling the subtle roll of a few tears spill down his scarred cheeks. James said nothing more. 

It wasn’t until long after this moment that Remus found out that someone else had heard him sing too. 

\---

Sirius Black turned away from the ajar door and slowly returned to his room, arms around his body, holding himself together as tears slid down his cheeks too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used in this chapter was Burning House by Cam.


End file.
